Two Weeks Post Partum: The Highs & The Lows

It’s hard to believe that it’s been two weeks since Little Miss Cub was born and I became a mother of two. The time has flown by, and has, overall, been (metaphorically) hiccup free. As for actual hiccups, she gets them a lot. Cub helps « cure » them by singing « Hiccups, go away » to the tune of « Rain, Rain, Go Away. »

I’m going to share in a separate post about my brush with anxiety attacks because I want to make sure that Moms going through postpartum mental health issues know they’re not alone! I was going to include it here until I realized it was long enough to merit its own post.

Double Trouble

The first night home from the hospital, Cub refused to go to bed without me and of course the baby was nursing non-stop. Reality. I have TWO kids and I’m exhausted. I felt pretty overwhelmed… both by fear and joy!

Over the past two weeks, anxiety aside, I’ve definitely been on a crazy ride on the postpartum emotional roller coaster. I had forgotten the surge of emotion that new Moms can feel as baby latches on: at times Little Miss Cub starts to suck and I’m overcome by sadness. It passes quickly, but it’s not my favorite part of the day.

I’m struggling, too, with the severely limited « me » time: the window of time to take a shower or check my email is small, and I have many blog reviews that I am eager and ready to write but for which I can’t quite find the time. Even though I’m not planning on returning to my social media management contracts until October, I’m already wondering if that will even be possible. I know this is the universal struggle of Moms who want to or need to work, or even just pursue a hobby outside of motherhood. When?!

Little Miss Cub’s Development

Born at 6 lbs, 14 oz., at our midwife appointment at twelve-days old, she weighed 7.5 lbs. She’s nursing very well, and has a decent-sized milk blister on her upper lip to prove it! She sleeps for a maximum stretch of three hours, so nights are short, but she’s definitely not a fussy girl and doesn’t cry often. She seems to inhale a whole lot of air when nursing, though, since she gets hiccups all the time and has huge burps once she’s unlatched.

She’s more and more alert as each day passes. Cub likes to exclaim, « He’s ‘wake! » when he catches her with her eyes open. (I’m not totally sure why he insists on the male pronoun.) My Mom thinks she’s particularly strong in th way she pushes back with her arms and supports her head as she tries to look around.

My milk production is high, as expected. Second-time around nursing is so much less painful, by the way! I’ve been able to pump about 4 oz. each day for the Calgary Mothers Milk Bank (or for Little Miss, if she does decide she will take a bottle). I’m not putting any pressure on myself to produce a certain amount, just pumping to relieve pressure or catching the leak from one side when she nurses on the other.

We’ve been co-sleeping since we got home. At first Papa Wolf slept in the guest room so we could be sure one of us would be rested for the next day. Now that my Mom is here, Little Miss sleeps between me and Papa but usually he winds up finishing the night in Cub’s room or on the sofa. While she might not cry a lot, Little Miss makes a huge racket when she wakes up to nurse! I’m also changing her diaper at every feed which tends to disturb Papa too. I know some women want Dad to be awake as often as they are, but from my point of view, I’d rather my husband be rested than neither of us!

The Highlights

The best thing about the past two weeks has been that for her first week of life, Papa was home! When Cub was born, Papa’s job didn’t allow him to take any time off. In fact, he was on his laptop and his cell phone while I was in labour. He was back at work the day after we got home from the hospital. Thanks to the new job (the one that had us move across the country), he had a full five days off, which were timed perfectly since she arrived on a Sunday and the following weekend was a long weekend! It was priceless to see my husband enjoying his newborn, and also spending time with Cub so I could rest and nurse.

Overall, Cub’s reaction to having a baby sister has wavered between neutral and happy, never into negative territory, which surprises me! He hasn’t acted out or complained about having Little Miss Cub constantly up in his space (my lap). Having Papa Wolf home, and now my Mom visiting, has definitely ensured he doesn’t feel neglected, so that’s probably a big factor. Since he loves to read, we can read books while I’m nursing, and he will spontaneously stroke her head or give her little kisses. So far, we’ve been able to maintain his routine fairly well, with me taking care of bedtime stories, sometimes with baby joining us, other times while she’s with her Papa. If he wakes up at night (which he still tends to do), Papa goes to him, and is sometimes greeted with « No! Not you! Want Mommy! » But, given the choice between nobody and Papa, Papa wins!

There’s a very slight hint of jealousy that I am noticing a bit more as the days pass. Yesterday, Cub really wanted to nurse while I was feeding his sister, whereas previously he had been happy to declare that he drank regular or chocolate milk. When he sees me put Little Miss in the baby carrier, he tells me that HE wants to be in the carrier. He is not very pleased that the bucket seat is now occupying HIS stroller. I try to include him every way I can. He is fascinated by poopy diapers (« His poop is orange! ») and by my breast pump, which he was squeezing for me this afternoon.

[Note: I wrote about Cub’s spectacular adjustment last night, and naturally, this morning, he was a bit of a terror for the first time since baby came home.]

Making Cub’s general contentment all the more surprising is that we took away the iPad last week and don’t plan on giving it back any time soon. (We can’t seem to avoid the meltdown when it’s time to turn it off.) I was a bit afraid that without that one sure-fire distraction we would all be miserable. While he asks probably five times a day to play, he hasn’t thrown a fit and has not whined for it. He is able to play for a good hour on his own with his toys. His current obsession is « rescue vehicles, » so I can see him out of the corner of my eye putting out fires or saving animals on sinking ships. (When he’s in full-on independent play mode, I do my darnedest not to interrupt him in any way!)

In between my Mom’s arrival and Papa Wolf returning to work, we’ve had two days « solo, » and, while we haven’t ventured very far from home yet (just for a walk), I feel like we managed. I kept my goals attainable: keep bums relatively clean, tummies full and tears to a minimum (for all three of us.)

Post Partum Mama

As much as I thought I’d lounge in bed for a week after baby was born, I kind of forgot how terrible I am at doing nothing. With Papa Wolf being home, I definitely could’ve insisted on resting more, but I didn’t want to miss out on family time! After years of being home alone due to his insane work schedule, I’m still basking in the novelty of having him home. So by Wednesday, or three days postpartum, I wanted to go for a walk with my gang to the park. We went out for breakfast on Thursday morning and on Friday I took Cub out solo to the library and for ice cream sandwiches. On Saturday we went to Costco, Sunday I went solo to get groceries and on Monday we went to the bird sanctuary. So ya: I did way too much. Even if I felt like doing all those activities, I don’t think that physically I should’ve been walking around so much. By the following Friday (13 days post partum), my bleeding, which had been almost non-existent, increased and included some huge blood clots. My midwife and my best friends/doulas made me go lie down. I was glad to have both my Mom and husband around to run the ship while I read magazines and littered my unusually large bosom with chip crumbs.