Code of Conduct for Breastfed Twin Toddlers

If you’re wondering how I physically go about tandem nursing toddler twins, it’s often sitting cross-legged (on the kitchen floor with my back against the cupboard door, at the bottom of the stairs, on the couch if I’m lucky) with each one straddling a thigh. Or I just lie down on the floor and they approach from either side of me.

Nursing for two has its ups and downs, but we’ll keep going as long as it’s working for us!

When I only had one toddler nursling, I wrote a popular and relatable post called The 10 Commandments of Breastfeeding a Toddler. I can’t say I expected I’d need to create an addendum to this post, but here we are.

At this year’s summit of the UNBFT (United Nations of Breastfed Toddlers), the breastfed multiples sub-committee issued the following annex to the aforementioned 10 commandments, a code of conduct for toddler twins on the t*tty.

Code of Conduct for Breastfed Twin Toddlers

1- Discreet feeding in public is for singletons. When nursing in public, always make a double spectacle.

2- A nursing session is not complete until somebody gets poked in the eye.

3- Bonk heads. Goose eggs are tandem breastfeeding battle scars.

4- The milk is always tastier on the other side. Fight for it.

5- Never leave your twin to nurse alone. How rude.

Unless you’re napping.

6- Imitation is the highest form of flattery: if your twin is shaking his head like a dog with a bone (except he’s a baby with a breast), so should you.

7- If mom is non-compliant, remember that two voices are more convincing than one, and four hands can yank up a shirt faster.

8- Whoever makes the other twin laugh with a mouthful of milk first wins!

9- Slapping. So much slapping.

10 – Always hold hands for at least a second so your mom remembers why she loves nursing twins.

Nursing-mamas of multiples … did we miss any?



One response to “Code of Conduct for Breastfed Twin Toddlers”

  1. […] The twins are now 18 months old and nurse two to three times during the day and one to two times overnight. They have some cow’s milk during the day in straw cups, too. (If you want to laugh at my experience tandem-feeding twin toddlers, be my guest!) […]

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Welcome to my Wolf Pack!

My name is Lindsay and I am a 40-year-old mama of four trying to live an eco-friendly, budget-friendly life! I am a substitute teacher and Child Passenger Safety technician in Calgary, Alberta. Join me on my adventures!

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