Alternative Facts My Preschooler Tells Me

Alternative Facts My Preschooler Tells MePreschoolers talk a lot. From the moment he opens his eyes—and sometimes while they are still closed—Cub has opinions to share, grievances to file, truths to tell and poop jokes to make. A lot of what he says focuses on his fascinating imaginary menagerie of cats. Having never had imaginary friends as a child, I love asking him questions about his fictitious felines. Other common topics of conversation include what he’ll be like when he’s a “big kid,” things he doesn’t like to eat, things he wants me to buy for him and questions that range from the simple (“Do I go to preschool or daycare today?”) and adorable (“Whose tummy did Papa come from?”) to the impossible (“How can I not die?”).

There are also some common refrains that I am reluctant to refer to as outright lies. They’re more like … alternative facts. They’re not accurate and they are quickly if not instantaneously proven false … but he won’t admit he’s wrong. You can’t admit you’re wrong if you still believe you’re right!

Alternative Facts My Preschooler Tells Me

“I’m not tired.”

“I’m full.”

“I looked EVERYWHERE and I can’t find it.”

“I can do it myself.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I won’t forget!”

“It’s too heavy.”

“She hurt me!”

“I won’t break it.”

“I don’t need a bath!”

And the ultimate #AltFact from President Cub …

“I don’t have to go pee!”

What are your kids’ favourite alternative facts?


6 responses to “Alternative Facts My Preschooler Tells Me”

  1. Karen

    most awesomest post ever maman!

  2. Ira

    All of the above, LOL 🙂

  3. Katelynn Chaisson

    “I don’t like X food”

    Meanwhile he said he loved it the day before

    1. Annie

      Or you turn your back a second and he just take a big bite and wants more. But you finished everything because he didn’t liked or a second ago!

      Ok, I should not complain and learn to not finish my child’s plate until I’m 200% sure she’s done.

  4. janie vezina

    with 9 kids, i can assure you, its all true. lol

  5. I was just looking at your blog and I love your personality. This is so funny and sooo true!

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My name is Lindsay and I am a 40-year-old mama of four trying to live an eco-friendly, budget-friendly life! I am a substitute teacher and Child Passenger Safety technician in Calgary, Alberta. Join me on my adventures!

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