Preschoolers talk a lot. From the moment he opens his eyes—and sometimes while they are still closed—Cub has opinions to share, grievances to file, truths to tell and poop jokes to make. A lot of what he says focuses on his fascinating imaginary menagerie of cats. Having never had imaginary friends as a child, I love asking him questions about his fictitious felines. Other common topics of conversation include what he’ll be like when he’s a “big kid,” things he doesn’t like to eat, things he wants me to buy for him and questions that range from the simple (“Do I go to preschool or daycare today?”) and adorable (“Whose tummy did Papa come from?”) to the impossible (“How can I not die?”).
There are also some common refrains that I am reluctant to refer to as outright lies. They’re more like … alternative facts. They’re not accurate and they are quickly if not instantaneously proven false … but he won’t admit he’s wrong. You can’t admit you’re wrong if you still believe you’re right!
Alternative Facts My Preschooler Tells Me
“I’m not tired.”
“I’m full.”
“I looked EVERYWHERE and I can’t find it.”
“I can do it myself.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“I won’t forget!”
“It’s too heavy.”
“She hurt me!”
“I won’t break it.”
“I don’t need a bath!”
And the ultimate #AltFact from President Cub …
“I don’t have to go pee!”
What are your kids’ favourite alternative facts?


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