I have a really tough boss. It’s pretty hard to go a full day under his supervision without screwing up and enduring the wrath of my 3-year-old dictator.
As punishment, I am writing a list of things I do that enrage him, in an effort to avoid repeating my missteps in the future.
20 Times My Incompetence Enraged My Preschooler
1- When I couldn’t beat a level for him on his iPad Lego game.
2- When I couldn’t remember the name of the child that Team Umi Zoomi was helping in the episode I was recounting in meticulous detail at bedtime.
3- When I couldn’t find his Black Widow, Captain America and Iron Man Lego figurines because he told me they were in his Duplo box, but his Duplo box was not the box in which we store Duplo, but rather a small treasure box that came with his Jake the Pirate Duplo set.
4- When I cut his toast in triangles but he wanted circles.
5- When I drew a heart instead of a square and I was not able to erase it as we were drawing with markers.
6- When I toasted his toast, but he didn’t want it toasted.
7- When I didn’t know what Hawkeye’s real name was.
8- When I didn’t know which “that” he was referring to when asked “What is that?” while driving down the highway.
9- When I didn’t hear what he said and asked, “Pardon me?”
10- When I said, “Look, it’s your Dusty shirt!” when he had wanted to be the one to say it.
11- When I got to the front door before him, but he had wanted to win.
12- When I chose a temporary tattoo for him at his request, but did not choose a cool one.
13- When I threw away his Slurpee that he told me he was finished drinking, but he wasn’t actually done with it.
14- When I referred to him by his first name when he was actually Batman.
15- When I was going to the bathroom so I couldn’t help him find his puzzle piece.
16- When I couldn’t help him get up onto his chair because I had his dinner in one hand and his nursing sister in the other.
17- When I couldn’t make his milk come out of his nipples when he was trying to use my breast pump on himself.
18- When I served him Hulk, Thor and Iron Man noodles* but he only wanted Thor noodles.
19- When I walked across the street but he wanted me to run.
20- When I wouldn’t let him eat the french fries (not ours) on the floor under our table at McDonald’s.
*This refers to tri-colour pasta; Thor noodles are the “blonde” ones.