Cloth Pad Brand Names… that got thrown away

Cloth pad brand names that got thrown awayDisclaimer: If you are not amused by euphemisms for female genitalia and menstruation, do not read!

What’s in a name? Well, if you make feminine hygiene products, a lot! Your target market is 50% of the population, but there’s a lot of competition out there. In terms of reusable menstrual products, three brand names that I love are “Cotton Candy Eco Cloth,” “Empire Lush Cloth Pads” and “Pretty Eco Intimates.” When people think menstruation, they might think “Gross. Painful. Inconvenient.” But the aforementioned brand names make me think “Luxury. Comfort. Beauty.” What woman doesn’t want to feel luxurious, comfortable and beautiful, even when she has her period?

The “Diva Cup” makes me chuckle because I always imagine Mariah Carey or Beyoncé, the consummate divas, holding the cup like a chalice as they toast their fans during a concert. My friend Adrienne confessed that “Pink Lemonade” made her think of bloody urine… and I must admit that “GladRags,” while an awesome brand, don’t sound all that glamorous.

The more I thought about it, the more I started coming up with some of the worst possible (and therefore most hilarious) names for menstrual product brands. I got my brother on board, and he contributed some real doozies.

Without further ado…

10 Reusable Menstrual Product Brand Names… That Got Thrown Away

  1. Flo Ridas – focus groups deemed too ghetto.
  2. Eager Beavers – animal rights activists objected.
  3. Muffin Stuffins – thought we were bluffin’
  4. Soft Tacos – Crunchy Tacos was also proposed, both deemed too culinary.
  5. Twatton (rhymes with “cotton”) – awaiting patent approval for proprietary twat-cotton blend.
  6. Pussy Pillows – too confusing for pet stores.
  7. Bleeding Rainbow – the Levar Burton lobby was up in arms.
  8. Madame Ovary, by Flowbert – the French were not fans.
  9. Snatch Catchers – Major League Baseball raised a stink.
  10. Clam Dams – seafood and sanitary products don’t mix.


One response to “Cloth Pad Brand Names… that got thrown away”

  1. Caitlin

    And, (not?) surprisingly, 4 years later, at least two of these are actually in use.

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Welcome to my Wolf Pack!

My name is Lindsay and I am a 40-year-old mama of four trying to live an eco-friendly, budget-friendly life! I am a substitute teacher and Child Passenger Safety technician in Calgary, Alberta. Join me on my adventures!

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