Preschoolers talk a lot. From the moment he opens his eyes—and sometimes while they are still closed—Cub has opinions to share, grievances to file, truths to tell and poop jokes to make. A lot of what he says focuses on his fascinating imaginary menagerie of cats. Having never had imaginary friends as a child, I love asking him questions about his fictitious felines. Other common topics of conversation include what he’ll be like when he’s a “big kid,” things he doesn’t like to eat, things he wants me to buy for him and questions that range from the simple (“Do I go to preschool or daycare today?”) and adorable (“Whose tummy did Papa come from?”) to the impossible (“How can I not die?”).
There are also some common refrains that I am reluctant to refer to as outright lies. They’re more like … alternative facts. They’re not accurate and they are quickly if not instantaneously proven false … but he won’t admit he’s wrong. You can’t admit you’re wrong if you still believe you’re right!
Alternative Facts My Preschooler Tells Me
“I’m not tired.”
“I looked EVERYWHERE and I can’t find it.”
“I can do it myself.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“I won’t forget!”
“It’s too heavy.”
“She hurt me!”
“I won’t break it.”
“I don’t need a bath!”
And the ultimate #AltFact from President Cub …
“I don’t have to go pee!”
What are your kids’ favourite alternative facts?